How I cracked my ribs?

So some of you are probably wondering what happened to me Tuesday night.
I was innocently riding my bicycle for some exercise in the Kemah oaks sub when I was approached by a dozen paperboys. Walking hand to hand towards me, forcing me to stop my bike. I asked "Are you playing Red Rover cause I am only one person?". The Paperboy zombies said "Want to buy a Houston Chronicle?" I said "no, I do not like the Houston Chronicle!". The head paperboy said "We did not ask you if you like the paper! We asked you to buy one!!!"
I politely said "No, thank you". Well one of the kids shouted "that is not a good enough answer!" I was a little scared by this situation and attempted to ride away when they overwhelmed me with their numbers. They started throwing papers at me like they were Chinese stars. Some were leaping in the air towards me like it was a scene from Matrix. Just as they were in the progress of beating the very handsome Travis into hamburger meat, 4 girl scouts came out of nowhere to my rescue. Using their martial arts, they came to my rescue swinging their girl scout sashes as a form of nun chucks. There were newspaper boys flying to the ground like clothes on honeymoon night. The girl scouts saw I was a little injured from this altercation and offered to carry me to my house. I said "No thank you, I can walk. Don't worry about it. Thank you for helping with the very dangerous gang of newspaper boys!". The girls with very big biceps and a little facial hair said "Nonsense! We will carry you!" I couldn't do anything about it as they overwhelmed me with there strength and hoisted me and the bike over their heads and proceeded to carry me all 10 miles back home. They dropped me off and I thanked them for their kindness. I said "If there is anything I can do for you, just name it!" and started to return the bike to the garage. They said "well there is one thing! Can you buy some cookies from us?"
I said "No, thank you! I already bought like 5 boxes from the girl scouts!" They responded angrily "Well, YOU DID NOT BUY THEM FROM US!!!!". I said "Yeah, but I am on a diet and so are my friends. I do not wish to anger them by going back on our diet agreement". The head girl scout yelled through her goatee "Sir, you may have been hurt from the Houston Chronicle Biker gang but NOW YOU WILL FEEL PAIN!!!". Three girls grabbed me and held me down against the driveway concrete when the head girl scout jumped in the air (Crouching Tiger-Hidden Dragon style) and did a triple flip then landed a kick in my rib cage. They ran off after doing the damage because a very angry Lucy (our Jack Russell) came to my rescue.
This is my story and I am sticking to it!!!!!!!!!!

The trouble with Church?

One of the huge words being thrown around in Christian circles today is the word Relevant. Are we relevant? Do people who attend our church or live in our surrounding community perceive us to be a relevant church? Trying to be relevant and being relevant are very different things. Take for example a biker. He lives and breathes motorcycles. He uses it everyday. He works on it, and it is his main form of transportation. He is not trying to be a biker...He is one. In contrast take the doctor. He is amazing at what he does. Saving lives, helping to cure the sick and dying. Coming soon is bike week in Daytona Beach, Fl. He grows a short beard, buys some distressed leather and drinks a bottle of ego and attitude. This is far from his doctor persona! One is relevant, the other is trying to be. One is real, and the other one is an imposter. Why do we try as Christians to be relevant? We are relevant in our own right. Everyone of us will be relevant and irrelevant at some point in time. I feel more often, we are becoming pop Christians. We mold and shape ourselves into a fill in the blank Christian. What do you need? Extreme Christian? Hard core rocker Christian? Real Estate investing Christian? Indie Christian? Doctor Christian? Film maker Christian? If we put Christian as a tag on what we do, it seems to make it more appealing in the church. "Hey look! He has dreadlocks, and he is a Christian! Isn't that cool?" Is it cool that he has dreadlocks and just happens to be a Christian? Or is it just cool that a peson with dreadlocks just happens to be at church? We need to get out of this pop Christian, lets make you into a nice testimony or marketing strategy for outsiders.

Lets stop using the title "Christian" like it is a decorating show. Throw paint at the wall. put something here, hang something there. In a attempt to see what works for us.

Being a Christian should NOT mean that we are in a immediate identity crisis.

What type of Christian should I be??? This subject needs to be tackled but it doesn't mean I am not disgusted by these actions. I just want to vomit thinking of the phony, fake, bubble gum Christians (come on- you know what I am talking about.....They park there car in the church parking lot and there behavior inside the car is much different than the behavior of when they enter the building- Are we that dumb that we think that God can not see us until we are in a church building???)!



Can't we just be who we are and be in love with Jesus Christ?

Isn't that being relevant? I want to see people who are the real deal, not an over produced image of something else that will get only man's attention.
God does NOT need a PR man nor a politically correct representative!