Party

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, " He is so sweet and gentlemanly, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice, and gave up the beans. Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

What Someone Said Someone Said

I first heard this piece of advice about 10 years ago from a gifted Christian leader. He was speaking at a Bible conference and in the course of his message advised us to “never repeat what someone said someone said.” It only gets you in trouble.

This is especially important advice when you are angry and in the midst of some sort of relational conflict. It could be at work or at church or with a friend or in some professional context or it could be within your extended family. The speaker recounted an occasion when he had been part of a bitter church controversy, the exact details of which he did not share because that didn’t matter. It was evidently about personalities and programs and decisions and power and which way are we going and who will lead us and how will we get there? The usual things Christians fight about. In the midst of the controversy, the speaker said he broke this rule one time and one time only. He repeated something that someone said someone said. Only he didn’t quite get the story right. Perhaps it wasn’t relayed properly or in context. But he passed the quote along as the truth because that’s what he thought it was. And it blew up in his face in a big way. Someone called him on it and he had to go back and apologize and try to make things right.

It was a difficult and embarrassing time for him.

Never repeat what someone said someone said. Why is this such good advice?
–Because you may not have the full story.–You probably don’t have the context of whatever was said.–You weren’t there to observe the body language of what was said.–If you are angry, you will be tempted to put the worst possible context on what was said.–The person relaying the information may have an axe to grind, maybe there in the mood to put those karate lessons to good use.–You may be guilty of passing along a bad report to those who don’t need to hear it.–You may gain a reputation as a talebearer or as a gossip.–If the information is not correct, you may face serious consequences, possibly lose friends and create unrepairable bridges! (Been there, done that and not fun!)
And mostly we shouldn’t do this sort of thing, especially when we are angry or hurt, because it corrodes our own soul & contaminates everything (How can we ask God to use us when we have this poison in our system!).

Guard your heart.Set your mind on things above.Think on those things that are pure and lovely and of good report.
The heart is a fragile thing. Once filled with anger, it is hard to fill it again with love. We can abide in Christ or we can abide in gossip, but we can’t do both at the same time.

I suppose we have all occasionally repeated what someone said someone said (Are you confused yet). But let this be the last word. If you are angry or hurt or in the middle of a conflict, DON'T DO IT! Let those who actually heard what was said repeat it–and let them be held responsible for whatever they say.

When you are angry, hold your tongue

and guard your heart.

And don’t repeat what someone said someone said.

iphone

While riding the web highway, I came across this:
Then I got to thinking about how the new iPhone phenomenon thoroughly depresses me, not because I don’t have one but because everyone seems to want one. But why?

We’ve accumulated laptops, cell phones, personal DVD players, mp3 players and a million other technological gadgets, and now we’re told we should own one that combines everything and costs hundreds of dollars. But why? (let me give you a tip the next big thing is just around the corner-meaning this is a never ending adventure!)

I still have a dinosaur of a phone, and don’t get me wrong, I’ll be more than happy when it’s time for an upgrade. For now though, I’m glad it’s just a piece of metal with a cover because I abuse it to no end. My cell has been through torturous times (everyday clumsiness, water submersions, plummets, drops, throws and even ice cream-don't ask!). Perhaps this emphasizes something about my personality (immaturity?). In the larger scheme of life though, what does it really matter what my cell phone looks like?

I wasn’t going to follow the whole mp3 trend either until someone else bought me one. I listen to it occasionally, but given its hefty price, I don’t put it to use as much as I should. Even though it was a gift, I still feel guilty about it.

And who uses a personal DVD player anyway? Loners? Okay, maybe that’s a bit harsh. And I have to admit, there’s one in our car, but it’s boring to watch movies with myself (try watching Monty Python's Holy Grail - not fun!). I can’t answer my own ridiculous questions in a thought-provoking indie or laugh with myself in a comedy or hold my own hand in a romance, so what’s the point?


So the point is… I don’t have one… an iPhone that is, and I’m completely satisfied in life without owning the new, up-and-coming thingamajig. (By the way, Microsoft Word actually suggests the words thingamajig and thingamabob as synonyms for gadget. Pretty nifty, eh?)

As photo confession says, no matter what your phone looks like, you’re still going to have the same people calling you (or not calling you). If you’re going to waste that much money, you might as well just buy some new friends.

Bear hunting

A man was out hunting. He just happened to be hunting bears. As he trudged through the forest looking for the beasts, he came upon a large and steep hill. Thinking that perhaps there would be bear on the other side of the hill, he climbed up the steep incline and, just as he was pulling himself up over the last outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose to nose.
The bear roared fiercely. The man was so scared that he lost his balance and fell down the hill with the bear not far behind. As he tumbled down the hill, the man lost his gun. When he finally stopped at the bottom, he found that he had a broken leg. Escape was impossible and so the man, who had never been particularly religious (in fact this just happened to be a Sunday morning), prayed, "God, if you will make this bear a Christian I will be happy with whatever lot you give me for the rest of my life."

The bear was no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks... looked up to the heavens quizzically... and then fell to its knees and prayed in a loud voice, "O Lord, bless this food of which I am about to partake."

Fire Away..........On second thought!

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

—2 Timothy 2:15

Have you ever had one of those golden opportunities in life to share the gospel, and you found that you just weren’t prepared? Or have you had someone fire some really hard questions at you, and you were just speechless?

After I had been a Christian for two weeks (in Oklahomie), I felt I needed to get out and do something with my faith. I was walking down the street and who did I run into but a very close friend from elementary school. I started witnessing to him. He was listening, and he was open. It seemed as though I was making some progress. I was getting excited.

I didn’t notice, however, that someone else was eavesdropping on our conversation. He walked up to me and said, “I have a few questions for you.”

I thought, No problem. I have been a Christian for two weeks. I think I can grapple the most theological issues at this point. Fire away.

So he fired four or five pretty tough questions at me. I can’t even remember today what they were. All I remember is that I was dumbfounded. I didn’t even have a clue. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. But worst of all, I felt that I had let the Lord down.
I made a commitment that day—a commitment to study the Bible so I would not be caught in that position again. I can’t say that I have the answer to every question now. Nor am I suggesting that I can resolve any difficulty any person has, because I can’t. But I did realize that I needed to equip myself if I was ever to be used by God.